Ralphie: Oooh fudge!
Narrator (Ralphie as an adult): Only I didn't say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!
Mother: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Ralphie: Uh….
This was me, Monday at 4:30 and again Tuesday at 1:30. I want to crawl out of my skin.
A few weeks ago Madi started complaining of knee pain. Of course she still played as normal, but we would ice it as it bothered her. On the Wednesday of spring break she began to walk funny, I sent a message to her Dr. just to see if we needed to have her knee looked at. There was not a response and honestly I was not super worried.
Fast forward to Monday, the girls still had the day off making spring break longer for them. They spent the day playing and fighting and by the time I came home I was looking forward to dropping them off at their Dad's for dinner so Jason and I could go out for dinner on our own. I came home and started to get the girls out the door. Madi changed clothes and was heading to the bathroom to go potty... then it happened.
She started screaming, an ear piercing scream, I was in the car, Ash came running out to get me. Madi sat on the floor at the top of the stairs, her knee stuck in the bent position. She could not move, nor was I going to be the one to move her. Ashlyn went to get the neighbors. No answer. I left Ash with Madi and went to another neighbor. THANK GOD he was home. He came right over with me and helped asses the situation. We had him carry Madi to the car. Screaming. I got to the end of the street... it was 4:45 at this point and I was about to head to Hillboro to the hospital during rush hour. I reversed the car and called 911. I couldn't do it.
They came in all their glory. Sean (neighbor) came back over and took Ashlyn. I called Tom and they began to work to getting her out of the car and into the ambulance. It was a shit show.
The ride there she was being pumped full of meds and screaming still, the whole way.
4.5 hours later, we got word there was not a break. It was a long, long night. We got home around 10:30 then I headed back to Hillsboro to get her prescription pain meds. At 11:30 Madi and Ash were in bed, I made my bed on Madi's floor and set the alarm so I could give her meds every 3 hours.
Tuesday we woke up and got Ashlyn off to school. I put in a email to her pediatrician, the advice nurse and a phone call. Madi slept most of the day. At 1:30 a Dr. called me to talk about Madi's x-ray results.
The x-ray showed a "shadow" on her femur... a mass they would like us to schedule an MRI to figure out what it is.
I wanted to scream.. I couldn't Madi was sleeping. I could not breath, I could not talk, I could not think.
I talked with Lisa and Suzie... then we got a call. MRI in Clackamas at 3;00. I had to get it together, get Madi up and dressed and go.
Suzie met me there. Jason called and calmed me. I sent some texts to my "girls":
Side Bar: In this moment I realize i have so many, many "girls" who love and support me. I don't know how this has happened, I am blessed beyond measure to have such a support system around me.
We got to Kaiser, Suzie helped get Madi out and parked the car and we headed down to radiology. THANK GOD Suzie was there... I could not talk or see straight:
"we see a mass, we see a mass, we see a mass"
This is the noise in my head. We got Madi set up and the MRI began. Suzie made me laugh the whole time. I actually was worried we would get in trouble for being too loud. HA! Wouldn't be the first time.
By the time I headed home there was no call. No news is good news.. right? At 5:30 I called her Dr. I needed to know the results. I got connected to the Radiologist who was looking at the scans.
NO TUMOR,.
That's about all I could focus on after that. I made her as well as Madi's Dr. repeat over and over that this "mass" was not cancer.
Madi has a cyst, not sure what that means or why it happened, not sure the extent of the damage, or where we go from here. But Lord, please let my baby heal quickly.
We will meet with the pediatric orthopedic next Friday which will hopefully help us with answers.
I insisted Madi's whole team be in on this so we could explore all reasons and treatments...
For now we keep her comfy and entertained. She went to school today where she has plenty of help from her friends getting around.
So yes, I did not and am not saying fudge. I am feeling broken and drained, but I am also feeling loved and supported.
Pray for our girl.
We got this...
Narrator (Ralphie as an adult): Only I didn't say “Fudge.” I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the “F-dash-dash-dash” word!
Mother: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Ralphie: Uh….
This was me, Monday at 4:30 and again Tuesday at 1:30. I want to crawl out of my skin.
A few weeks ago Madi started complaining of knee pain. Of course she still played as normal, but we would ice it as it bothered her. On the Wednesday of spring break she began to walk funny, I sent a message to her Dr. just to see if we needed to have her knee looked at. There was not a response and honestly I was not super worried.
Fast forward to Monday, the girls still had the day off making spring break longer for them. They spent the day playing and fighting and by the time I came home I was looking forward to dropping them off at their Dad's for dinner so Jason and I could go out for dinner on our own. I came home and started to get the girls out the door. Madi changed clothes and was heading to the bathroom to go potty... then it happened.
She started screaming, an ear piercing scream, I was in the car, Ash came running out to get me. Madi sat on the floor at the top of the stairs, her knee stuck in the bent position. She could not move, nor was I going to be the one to move her. Ashlyn went to get the neighbors. No answer. I left Ash with Madi and went to another neighbor. THANK GOD he was home. He came right over with me and helped asses the situation. We had him carry Madi to the car. Screaming. I got to the end of the street... it was 4:45 at this point and I was about to head to Hillboro to the hospital during rush hour. I reversed the car and called 911. I couldn't do it.
They came in all their glory. Sean (neighbor) came back over and took Ashlyn. I called Tom and they began to work to getting her out of the car and into the ambulance. It was a shit show.
The ride there she was being pumped full of meds and screaming still, the whole way.
4.5 hours later, we got word there was not a break. It was a long, long night. We got home around 10:30 then I headed back to Hillsboro to get her prescription pain meds. At 11:30 Madi and Ash were in bed, I made my bed on Madi's floor and set the alarm so I could give her meds every 3 hours.
Tuesday we woke up and got Ashlyn off to school. I put in a email to her pediatrician, the advice nurse and a phone call. Madi slept most of the day. At 1:30 a Dr. called me to talk about Madi's x-ray results.
The x-ray showed a "shadow" on her femur... a mass they would like us to schedule an MRI to figure out what it is.
I wanted to scream.. I couldn't Madi was sleeping. I could not breath, I could not talk, I could not think.
I talked with Lisa and Suzie... then we got a call. MRI in Clackamas at 3;00. I had to get it together, get Madi up and dressed and go.
Suzie met me there. Jason called and calmed me. I sent some texts to my "girls":
Side Bar: In this moment I realize i have so many, many "girls" who love and support me. I don't know how this has happened, I am blessed beyond measure to have such a support system around me.
We got to Kaiser, Suzie helped get Madi out and parked the car and we headed down to radiology. THANK GOD Suzie was there... I could not talk or see straight:
"we see a mass, we see a mass, we see a mass"
This is the noise in my head. We got Madi set up and the MRI began. Suzie made me laugh the whole time. I actually was worried we would get in trouble for being too loud. HA! Wouldn't be the first time.
By the time I headed home there was no call. No news is good news.. right? At 5:30 I called her Dr. I needed to know the results. I got connected to the Radiologist who was looking at the scans.
NO TUMOR,.
That's about all I could focus on after that. I made her as well as Madi's Dr. repeat over and over that this "mass" was not cancer.
Madi has a cyst, not sure what that means or why it happened, not sure the extent of the damage, or where we go from here. But Lord, please let my baby heal quickly.
We will meet with the pediatric orthopedic next Friday which will hopefully help us with answers.
I insisted Madi's whole team be in on this so we could explore all reasons and treatments...
For now we keep her comfy and entertained. She went to school today where she has plenty of help from her friends getting around.
So yes, I did not and am not saying fudge. I am feeling broken and drained, but I am also feeling loved and supported.
Pray for our girl.
We got this...